It's good to have somebody in your life.
Because there are so many fucked up thing that will happen to us.
So many people out there who are going to hurt us somehow.
So, it's good to have somebody.
Somebody who you can lean on.
Somebody who will always be there for you no matter what, like a really great friend.
But what really happen when troubles hit us.
We try to solve.
We try to deal with it.
We are upset and mad at things.
We call to let that somebody know.
Really we just call to ask for sympathy.
To share feeling that it hurts us.
That all we want is encouragement, is hug, is kiss to tell us that all is going to be okay.
But somehow, that somebody just disagrees.
Just doesn't like how we handle things.
So, they want to make things right.
All they hear from you is "how can I make it right?" not "how can I get through this?"
They are not happy with the way you do.
They feel that they are being push away because we can't reason.
So, they leave.
Leave us in the dark by yourself because it's more important to make things right than to stop us from shaking because we are so damn upset.
The world is against us right now and there's not a person here.
What hurts the most isn't the trouble.
It's the fact that when it happens, there's nobody there to support you emotionally.
When things don't go the way people want, they just tell you that you're wrong, that they've had enough and walked away.
So what good does it do to have somebody when they are not there when you need them the most.
Somebody who won't give you many chances to be miserable because they will just snap and gone.
Because it's more important for them to be right than looking at us and just hurts by the fact that we're hurt. The fact that it's me who's is the dark and it's so easy like that for you to walk away.
Friday
Monday
It was like… we all got thrown into this world randomly across the surface.
We were supposed to be together.
He got thrown way over there. She was dropped just right here.
We grow. We move. We meet. And we loss.
I think about how hard it is to find my glasses without my glasses on.
I think about how hard it is to find my glasses without my glasses on in this whole world.
How many things I hit and how many things hit me along the way.
It’s a daunting task.
The idea makes people want to give up.
But for some miraculous reasons, people do end up finding their glasses.
People do end up finding each other.
From that point on, they never look back.
Cherish the moment after a long journey.
But somehow forgot how we got there. How hard it was before we got there.
So after a while, people start to walk again.
Away from that point. Towards any other directions.
Busy looking for whatever new.
When they realize, they look back again.
Just this time, what was there, isn’t there anymore.
And we are all, lost again.
We were supposed to be together.
He got thrown way over there. She was dropped just right here.
We grow. We move. We meet. And we loss.
I think about how hard it is to find my glasses without my glasses on.
I think about how hard it is to find my glasses without my glasses on in this whole world.
How many things I hit and how many things hit me along the way.
It’s a daunting task.
The idea makes people want to give up.
But for some miraculous reasons, people do end up finding their glasses.
People do end up finding each other.
From that point on, they never look back.
Cherish the moment after a long journey.
But somehow forgot how we got there. How hard it was before we got there.
So after a while, people start to walk again.
Away from that point. Towards any other directions.
Busy looking for whatever new.
When they realize, they look back again.
Just this time, what was there, isn’t there anymore.
And we are all, lost again.
Sunday
Wednesday
Just the thought of it makes me mad as hell
Many things that life has been through
Many people who came across our lives
All left experiences for us, right here
None of it, they ever taken with
None of it, they ever had to lived with
What they took is what they see
But... those who have been left with experience are also those who have created experience for others
We all do
So, why mad?
Mad because sometimes we don’t stand up for ourselves
Because sometimes we are so afraid to hurt others that we end up hurting ourselves
And sometimes we just simply have too much faith
What we don’t know…
Many times, things can really be wrong
Many times, people can really be wicked
What do we do…
Don’t be mad, don’t be sad
If it’s wrong, it’s wrong
If it can’t be fixed, it can’t be fixed
And if we tried and tried and it ended up the same…
Don’t wait until the end of time to drop the last straw
Because by that time, it won’t be too late but it will be too heavy
Too heavy for a tiny life to carry on
Space and energy that we have, reserve it for tomorrow
So we can carry some more through our lives
Something that’s worth carrying on
Many things that life has been through
Many people who came across our lives
All left experiences for us, right here
None of it, they ever taken with
None of it, they ever had to lived with
What they took is what they see
But... those who have been left with experience are also those who have created experience for others
We all do
So, why mad?
Mad because sometimes we don’t stand up for ourselves
Because sometimes we are so afraid to hurt others that we end up hurting ourselves
And sometimes we just simply have too much faith
What we don’t know…
Many times, things can really be wrong
Many times, people can really be wicked
What do we do…
Don’t be mad, don’t be sad
If it’s wrong, it’s wrong
If it can’t be fixed, it can’t be fixed
And if we tried and tried and it ended up the same…
Don’t wait until the end of time to drop the last straw
Because by that time, it won’t be too late but it will be too heavy
Too heavy for a tiny life to carry on
Space and energy that we have, reserve it for tomorrow
So we can carry some more through our lives
Something that’s worth carrying on
Thursday
At a certain point, a certain place, a certain time
All the shit the in the world seemed to disappear
Unforgettable matter was forgotten
Agonizing pain departed from where it used to hurt
Those who caused misery, meant less than a dying leaf in a hidden forest
What is here, is what I live for
What is here is the reason why things that hurt really bad can never break me down
What I have is here
And at a certain point, certain place, certain time…
That is all that matters
All the shit the in the world seemed to disappear
Unforgettable matter was forgotten
Agonizing pain departed from where it used to hurt
Those who caused misery, meant less than a dying leaf in a hidden forest
What is here, is what I live for
What is here is the reason why things that hurt really bad can never break me down
What I have is here
And at a certain point, certain place, certain time…
That is all that matters
Tuesday
I had a dream.
Dream causes confusion, instability and for a few second, blurs the lines between what’s real and what’s not.
I find myself trying to shout at the top of my lungs, but no one seems to hear.
I try so hard to run away from something… but the path besides me seems to go by in slow motion.
Triple the amount of effort is what I do to fight off one bad dream.
The only good part is when I wake up and realize…
Dream, we can wake up from.
Life never sleeps even in dream.
What happen in dream, happen in life.
Every day, we try to shout so loud, so that people would hear.
We triple, quadruple the amount of our effort to run as fast as we can away or toward something.
We try even harder than we do in our dream.
But never get to wake up to pause, to breath, to realize… that it’s all okay.
So much we can do in dream, so much we can do in life.
Dream ends, but life goes on.
We can shout louder…
Or we can wake up, and realize… that it’s all gonna be okay.
Dream causes confusion, instability and for a few second, blurs the lines between what’s real and what’s not.
I find myself trying to shout at the top of my lungs, but no one seems to hear.
I try so hard to run away from something… but the path besides me seems to go by in slow motion.
Triple the amount of effort is what I do to fight off one bad dream.
The only good part is when I wake up and realize…
Dream, we can wake up from.
Life never sleeps even in dream.
What happen in dream, happen in life.
Every day, we try to shout so loud, so that people would hear.
We triple, quadruple the amount of our effort to run as fast as we can away or toward something.
We try even harder than we do in our dream.
But never get to wake up to pause, to breath, to realize… that it’s all okay.
So much we can do in dream, so much we can do in life.
Dream ends, but life goes on.
We can shout louder…
Or we can wake up, and realize… that it’s all gonna be okay.
Friday
The question that is often asked
“How are you?”
The answer…
No one really listens. No one really cares.
Walking toward us
Walking away from us…
The difference is the same
Everyday
We smile under the shadow of optimism in our heart
Not knowing what really is going on in the world
Fear, created by the visual display of life, is constantly broke down
By what we believe and what we live for
But why should we…
When the truth is what we fear
Rest our heart in the world we think we know
Optimism becomes too optimistic…
Knowing or not, till we forgot
that… someday, people will hurt you
“How are you?”
The answer…
No one really listens. No one really cares.
Walking toward us
Walking away from us…
The difference is the same
Everyday
We smile under the shadow of optimism in our heart
Not knowing what really is going on in the world
Fear, created by the visual display of life, is constantly broke down
By what we believe and what we live for
But why should we…
When the truth is what we fear
Rest our heart in the world we think we know
Optimism becomes too optimistic…
Knowing or not, till we forgot
that… someday, people will hurt you
Thursday
About 10 seconds of it…
and I changed my mine
There’s that song
Its name turns your face away
The thought of its hook squeezes something from the inside of your stomach
You play and you play that song over and over again in your head…
Motivation dissolves away… far from hitting play
But you did… I did anyway
And I forgot how it was
How it truly was
The first 10 seconds that got me there in the first place…
Still gets me there
and I changed my mine
There’s that song
Its name turns your face away
The thought of its hook squeezes something from the inside of your stomach
You play and you play that song over and over again in your head…
Motivation dissolves away… far from hitting play
But you did… I did anyway
And I forgot how it was
How it truly was
The first 10 seconds that got me there in the first place…
Still gets me there
Saturday
Camping out in my living room
Not because I can’t depart from the TV
I just don’t know why…
I’m feeling slightly shaky down here
But the thought of climbing up stairs, falling asleep in bed like normal is just incomprehensible tonight
I’m rendering my thoughts as each piece rises up from everywhere
I’m not sure where it’s going but I’m finding myself diving down deeper and darker
Now it just comes out that I keep asking question
“Why am I feeling this way?
Part of it, I think it’s because I’m alone at the moment
Scariness creeps into my head and little things make me cry
Something that I’m never gonna be able to live with
Something that I’m never gonna be able to be OK with
Something that I wish would stop being something…
But it’s always something
It’s always someone
And when it comes back it’s as scary, as depressing, as confusing every single time
I’m really tired with this something…
I’m just a person
I’m allow to feel this way when something causes it
The other side of me tonight, the much bigger side of me tonight, I’m really happy
For someone, whom I love very much
It’s another story that I have to write separately from this
I’ve never been this happy for him
In fact, I’ve never been this happy for anyone
The most valuable thing you could possibly find, is already there with you
It always has been
Look around, you’ll see that you need… nothing else
That you are safe in this world
You no longer fear
You no longer doubt
Because right here, where you stand, is the answer
To be someone to someone…
I have lost my thoughts now despite the existence of the feelings
I’m going to collide down here on the floor
I might migrate myself to the bed later
But now I just want to close my eyes…
Not because I can’t depart from the TV
I just don’t know why…
I’m feeling slightly shaky down here
But the thought of climbing up stairs, falling asleep in bed like normal is just incomprehensible tonight
I’m rendering my thoughts as each piece rises up from everywhere
I’m not sure where it’s going but I’m finding myself diving down deeper and darker
Now it just comes out that I keep asking question
“Why am I feeling this way?
Part of it, I think it’s because I’m alone at the moment
Scariness creeps into my head and little things make me cry
Something that I’m never gonna be able to live with
Something that I’m never gonna be able to be OK with
Something that I wish would stop being something…
But it’s always something
It’s always someone
And when it comes back it’s as scary, as depressing, as confusing every single time
I’m really tired with this something…
I’m just a person
I’m allow to feel this way when something causes it
The other side of me tonight, the much bigger side of me tonight, I’m really happy
For someone, whom I love very much
It’s another story that I have to write separately from this
I’ve never been this happy for him
In fact, I’ve never been this happy for anyone
The most valuable thing you could possibly find, is already there with you
It always has been
Look around, you’ll see that you need… nothing else
That you are safe in this world
You no longer fear
You no longer doubt
Because right here, where you stand, is the answer
To be someone to someone…
I have lost my thoughts now despite the existence of the feelings
I’m going to collide down here on the floor
I might migrate myself to the bed later
But now I just want to close my eyes…
Thursday
Walked into a restaurant, sat down and ordered… my favorite dish, grilled salmon
The waiter took my order to the chef
The chef then started preparing my order
He grabbed a nice piece of salmon, put it on the grill, and let the fire do the work
It’s now well-done all the way through
He grabbed the salmon by his tongs, moved salmon to a nicely decorated plate
Fuck!! … the salmon slid off the tongs straight down to the floor…
I sat still at my table, sipped my water, thinking about my salmon
The chef reached out with his tongs, grabbed the salmon
On the left was a garbage can. On the right… there was my plate
Chef thought about it for a second… what he could be doing
1.He could cut it off and throw the salmon in the garbage because it’s sickening and unethical. But if he does that, he’s going to be pretty mad with himself because he’s going to waste a nice piece of salmon and have to start from the beginning again…
2.Since no one is around, he could just pick the salmon up and place it nicely on my plate like nothing had happened. Don’t even have to lie… and everyone is happy
I was still sitting, waiting unwearyingly for my food
Thirty seconds later, the waiter came out, put the plate in front of my face and said… “Enjoy”
Without knowing the other half of the story, I ate it right up
Nothing happened to me
I didn’t get a bad stomach or any sorts of weird reactions
The chef is still working there, doing the same thing
I’m still walking the earth, unharmed…
If I could have chosen, I would rather know that the salmon was dirty, so I didn’t eat it… even if I had to wait for another half hour more.
But I couldn’t possibly have known that.
The chef did… and he made a choice for me
The waiter took my order to the chef
The chef then started preparing my order
He grabbed a nice piece of salmon, put it on the grill, and let the fire do the work
It’s now well-done all the way through
He grabbed the salmon by his tongs, moved salmon to a nicely decorated plate
Fuck!! … the salmon slid off the tongs straight down to the floor…
I sat still at my table, sipped my water, thinking about my salmon
The chef reached out with his tongs, grabbed the salmon
On the left was a garbage can. On the right… there was my plate
Chef thought about it for a second… what he could be doing
1.He could cut it off and throw the salmon in the garbage because it’s sickening and unethical. But if he does that, he’s going to be pretty mad with himself because he’s going to waste a nice piece of salmon and have to start from the beginning again…
2.Since no one is around, he could just pick the salmon up and place it nicely on my plate like nothing had happened. Don’t even have to lie… and everyone is happy
I was still sitting, waiting unwearyingly for my food
Thirty seconds later, the waiter came out, put the plate in front of my face and said… “Enjoy”
Without knowing the other half of the story, I ate it right up
Nothing happened to me
I didn’t get a bad stomach or any sorts of weird reactions
The chef is still working there, doing the same thing
I’m still walking the earth, unharmed…
If I could have chosen, I would rather know that the salmon was dirty, so I didn’t eat it… even if I had to wait for another half hour more.
But I couldn’t possibly have known that.
The chef did… and he made a choice for me
Tuesday
I’ve probably seen this thousands of times
But not many times, not in the past few hundred times that I stop and realize how fascinating it is
It is the same. It is just another one… and it just has never changed
A Little kid, running around with a toothless smile, screaming like a burning monkey…
To everyone else, that what he is
But to her, who’s sitting across the room on the other side…
It’s a life that lives within.
Affectionate eyes … knowing she’s here for him
Honest smiles … knowing whenever he falls, she’ll be there to take his hands
We’re safe here at home in each other’s arms
We pray… whatever bad thing that’s coming your way, please please come to me
I know this place…
The place where people look from the outside
The place where people understand but they can’t feel
I just think… there’s nothing I wouldn’t trade to be there
I just know… there’s nothing I would care more than to live life beside you
People can try to manipulate, to damage. People can try their best to take it away.
Whatever in heaven or in hell that they do…
They can never change it any other ways
Toothless, burning, screaming as it is
But not many times, not in the past few hundred times that I stop and realize how fascinating it is
It is the same. It is just another one… and it just has never changed
A Little kid, running around with a toothless smile, screaming like a burning monkey…
To everyone else, that what he is
But to her, who’s sitting across the room on the other side…
It’s a life that lives within.
Affectionate eyes … knowing she’s here for him
Honest smiles … knowing whenever he falls, she’ll be there to take his hands
We’re safe here at home in each other’s arms
We pray… whatever bad thing that’s coming your way, please please come to me
I know this place…
The place where people look from the outside
The place where people understand but they can’t feel
I just think… there’s nothing I wouldn’t trade to be there
I just know… there’s nothing I would care more than to live life beside you
People can try to manipulate, to damage. People can try their best to take it away.
Whatever in heaven or in hell that they do…
They can never change it any other ways
Toothless, burning, screaming as it is
Thursday
Wednesday
Fooooood
Today... wasn't the first time I craved for a Thai dish that isn't available on a typical Thai restaurant menu. It happened to be "Khow-Mun-Kai" this time. The secret to a good Khow-Mun-Kai (as I perceive) is the sauce. Unfortunately, I don't know how to make the sauce. Fortunately, I know where to get it... Vietnamese restaurant that is. The sauce that they use for the fresh spring roll is pretty similar to Thai Khow-Mun-Kai sauce, except that it's less spicy than the Thai one (wow... surprise). So, I made myself an away-from-home version of Khow-Mun-Kai today. Needless to say... it was so damn good!
Sometimes, it’s better not having to see or to know
But that… doesn’t change anything
Things that are happening…
Still happening
It hurts more when you know that there are two different sides of what you see
…when you know that the other side isn’t just a delusion
As much as you want it to be… it’s not
I don’t know why people hide things away from each other
They don’t know that it hurts others even more to have to pretend that nothing had happened
I could probably guess the intention of hiding
It maybe because they don’t want to hurt you
So they keep it away from you
But the fact that they do those things that they don’t want you to know, already hurts you more than anything
Why would you do that to someone who loves you…
If it’s the other way around, how would you feel?
But that… doesn’t change anything
Things that are happening…
Still happening
It hurts more when you know that there are two different sides of what you see
…when you know that the other side isn’t just a delusion
As much as you want it to be… it’s not
I don’t know why people hide things away from each other
They don’t know that it hurts others even more to have to pretend that nothing had happened
I could probably guess the intention of hiding
It maybe because they don’t want to hurt you
So they keep it away from you
But the fact that they do those things that they don’t want you to know, already hurts you more than anything
Why would you do that to someone who loves you…
If it’s the other way around, how would you feel?
Thursday
Sunday
At some point in life, there’s time when we sit down, trying to catch our breath.
It’s the time when we fight within ourselves about whether or not to go on.
If we have run far enough, have seen enough, have learned enough,
We’ll find that there is just no further….
…that there is something on this earth that we can’t do anything about.
Drawn to a conclusion like that sounds like a loser to a lot of people.
A lot of people who aren’t realizing how hard it is to breathe through the mouth…
To watch something you love slipping away and away.
But you try and try, anyone would…
Because it’s worth it.
Worth enough to blind you totally from reality.
The truth is…
You sometimes lose… a lot of times lose…
But at least you know that you didn’t jump into something thinking or knowing that you’re going to lose
I guess that’s good enough…
It’s the time when we fight within ourselves about whether or not to go on.
If we have run far enough, have seen enough, have learned enough,
We’ll find that there is just no further….
…that there is something on this earth that we can’t do anything about.
Drawn to a conclusion like that sounds like a loser to a lot of people.
A lot of people who aren’t realizing how hard it is to breathe through the mouth…
To watch something you love slipping away and away.
But you try and try, anyone would…
Because it’s worth it.
Worth enough to blind you totally from reality.
The truth is…
You sometimes lose… a lot of times lose…
But at least you know that you didn’t jump into something thinking or knowing that you’re going to lose
I guess that’s good enough…
Friday
I don’t know what have I done or what I haven’t done.
I don’t know how and why it has gotten this way.
Clues have been given so obvious that they knock me to the ground.
And suddenly, I’m here with no clue.
Are we living our lives, unconsciously wanting something else we can’t admit?
I ask myself every time when I feel misplaced, is this what I want?
Is it?
No… Not all of it.
I just live on one thing.
One single thing that is most important
One single thing that pulls it all together
One single thing that makes it all worth it
That… is no illusion to me.
But lives have different purposes…
Regardless of purposes, at the end of a long hard day, I’m still here.
I will always be here.
But how…
How do I get pass and get up every time it hits?
How do I look away? How do I not care?
The answer is there is no how.
Either fucked or fucked.
I don’t know how and why it has gotten this way.
Clues have been given so obvious that they knock me to the ground.
And suddenly, I’m here with no clue.
Are we living our lives, unconsciously wanting something else we can’t admit?
I ask myself every time when I feel misplaced, is this what I want?
Is it?
No… Not all of it.
I just live on one thing.
One single thing that is most important
One single thing that pulls it all together
One single thing that makes it all worth it
That… is no illusion to me.
But lives have different purposes…
Regardless of purposes, at the end of a long hard day, I’m still here.
I will always be here.
But how…
How do I get pass and get up every time it hits?
How do I look away? How do I not care?
The answer is there is no how.
Either fucked or fucked.
Sunday
Friday
Life...
It begins the night before
Before sleep swallows multiple thoughts
Thoughts that sought after inspiration
Inspiration to heal failure from yesterday
Yesterday that we try hard to do our best
Best for ourselves, best for our love ones
Ones who hold our hearts in their hands
Hands that find us in the dark
Dark that lingers every fearless step
Step of faith that takes us far
Far from begin
Begin to realize, begin to stop
Stop trying to do
Do just what we feel like
Like there is no tomorrow
Tomorrow exists only tonight
Tonight that we ask question
Question why we did what we did
Did it create or did it damage
Damage but no regret
Regret if we didn’t go for
For something we believe
Believe is all that it takes
Takes us far to the end
The end of the day where we still last
Last for the ones we love
Love for nothing in return
Return even to empty space
Space that we no longer fear
Fear only if we hadn’t lived
Life…
Before sleep swallows multiple thoughts
Thoughts that sought after inspiration
Inspiration to heal failure from yesterday
Yesterday that we try hard to do our best
Best for ourselves, best for our love ones
Ones who hold our hearts in their hands
Hands that find us in the dark
Dark that lingers every fearless step
Step of faith that takes us far
Far from begin
Begin to realize, begin to stop
Stop trying to do
Do just what we feel like
Like there is no tomorrow
Tomorrow exists only tonight
Tonight that we ask question
Question why we did what we did
Did it create or did it damage
Damage but no regret
Regret if we didn’t go for
For something we believe
Believe is all that it takes
Takes us far to the end
The end of the day where we still last
Last for the ones we love
Love for nothing in return
Return even to empty space
Space that we no longer fear
Fear only if we hadn’t lived
Life…
Monday
You were there
I called him tonight
To say happy New Year
To let him know that I’m doing fine
And I learn that he couldn’t sleep at all a few days after I left
I asked him why…
He said to me “…you are so little. I picture you’re out there, living on your own. I want to do more than what I did. We’re always so far away. Where was I, when you were alone.”
I flipped through my childhood photo album
Had the same question…
Where was my daddy?
I flipped through the last page
Wondering why he wasn’t with me in any of the pictures
Stood out there alone on the stage after a school performance with yellow flowers in my arms.
I look at the captured moment and realize that, those yellow flowers weren't just there by themselves.
They were handed to me from the man who was always missing from the pictures.
The same man who was always behind that camera
who was the reason of all my smiles
I told him on the phone…
No… you never left me alone.
Nothing was ever missing in my life.
Because he always was
And he always is
with me all the time
To say happy New Year
To let him know that I’m doing fine
And I learn that he couldn’t sleep at all a few days after I left
I asked him why…
He said to me “…you are so little. I picture you’re out there, living on your own. I want to do more than what I did. We’re always so far away. Where was I, when you were alone.”
I flipped through my childhood photo album
Had the same question…
Where was my daddy?
I flipped through the last page
Wondering why he wasn’t with me in any of the pictures
Stood out there alone on the stage after a school performance with yellow flowers in my arms.
I look at the captured moment and realize that, those yellow flowers weren't just there by themselves.
They were handed to me from the man who was always missing from the pictures.
The same man who was always behind that camera
who was the reason of all my smiles
I told him on the phone…
No… you never left me alone.
Nothing was ever missing in my life.
Because he always was
And he always is
with me all the time
Sunday
Vacation is over
My vacation is over
It went by so fast
Everything blurred out
and I’m here again
I know how it was and I know how I feel about it
Not a word can say
Not much about places
But the people
Every single one of them that I got to meet
All of them who welcome me to their lives
Their kisses, their hugs, their smiles, their kindness
Lift me up so high
I keep thinking about everything that happened
Good and bad
Scary and lovely
Happy and sad
All of that…
Especially between him and me
I couldn’t ask for any better moment
I couldn’t ask for any happier laugh
I couldn’t ask for any sadder tears
And I wouldn’t even ask for anything else
It’s funny because I feel the same way
Anytime I think about him…
I love him so much, that it hurts
It went by so fast
Everything blurred out
and I’m here again
I know how it was and I know how I feel about it
Not a word can say
Not much about places
But the people
Every single one of them that I got to meet
All of them who welcome me to their lives
Their kisses, their hugs, their smiles, their kindness
Lift me up so high
I keep thinking about everything that happened
Good and bad
Scary and lovely
Happy and sad
All of that…
Especially between him and me
I couldn’t ask for any better moment
I couldn’t ask for any happier laugh
I couldn’t ask for any sadder tears
And I wouldn’t even ask for anything else
It’s funny because I feel the same way
Anytime I think about him…
I love him so much, that it hurts
I was wrong
Once, when I was a kid
I stood by the pool, looked at it for a moment and said to someone
“Let’s compete, swim across the pool.”
It was so obvious
and I did realize that the pool was too big for me to defeat
But I thought…
“May be I could. All I have to do is just don’t give up”
So I did.
We started off on the other end.
I raced full speed, as fast as my little legs could take me.
I truly thought I was doing great.
By the time I got to the middle of the pool, where it’s the deepest part.
I couldn’t breathe anymore.
My little legs froze.
And I was going down.
I was right
that the pool was too big
But I was wrong
that I thought I could achieve
I stood by the pool, looked at it for a moment and said to someone
“Let’s compete, swim across the pool.”
It was so obvious
and I did realize that the pool was too big for me to defeat
But I thought…
“May be I could. All I have to do is just don’t give up”
So I did.
We started off on the other end.
I raced full speed, as fast as my little legs could take me.
I truly thought I was doing great.
By the time I got to the middle of the pool, where it’s the deepest part.
I couldn’t breathe anymore.
My little legs froze.
And I was going down.
I was right
that the pool was too big
But I was wrong
that I thought I could achieve
15 Years ago
A recent conversation that I had with my beloved boyfriend about Buddha (no idea how we even got into that) brought me back to when I was a little 10 year-old girl.
The three of us had nothing better to do than spending time, hanging out on top of the water tank that my dad built in our backyard (which was most definitely suggested and permitted all by me).
We climbed up the tank and sat down in circle, facing each other.
“So, what do we wanna talk about today?” My best friend initiated.
“Let’s vote” I demanded.
“Sport!” My little bro cousin keenly declared.
“Yeh… sport” My dear friend followed without thinking.
Two out of three already
They both looked at me innocently, waiting for my vote
I already had a topic I wanted to talk about. I came up with it last night!
But I was thinking…
What’s the freakin point of me telling them at all?!?!
So much for the logical part of my brain, I decided I’m gonna use my right anyway.
“I wanna talk about how they punish people in hell”
Only if I could paint a picture of the two tiny faces who were sitting across me, reacting after I gave my vote on my blog here, it would explain much better why this stays so vividly in my memory.
I remember I surrendered and let them talked about sport.
But they ran out of their sporty talk so quickly that they had to engage with my topic finally.
About a month later, there was a book festival at my cousin’s school.
He knew that I’m a book freak, so he decided to surprise me.
One evening after school, there it was, placed elegantly on the couch (that I rather slept on than my actual bed)… The Ten lives of Buddha.
How nice of him…
For a ten year-old, I was strangely embarrassed for the fact that I like to read this kind of stuff. I was afraid that someone was going to find out, not only that I had no freakin clue about Barbie dolls but I knew all about biography of each of Buddha’s life.
I was really excited and thankful that he was right on.
But I decided not to react accordingly.
“Yeh… thanks. Cool” I said to him, wrapped the book around my arms, sneaked back up stairs to my room, and finished it in less than ten days.
This whole thing made me laugh on the bus today.
Brought me back to reality
I was thinking about my boyfriend…
“Who did he think he is?!?! Telling me I know about Buddha less than he does!”
(Sweetie, if you’re reading this, I’m just joking :)
The three of us had nothing better to do than spending time, hanging out on top of the water tank that my dad built in our backyard (which was most definitely suggested and permitted all by me).
We climbed up the tank and sat down in circle, facing each other.
“So, what do we wanna talk about today?” My best friend initiated.
“Let’s vote” I demanded.
“Sport!” My little bro cousin keenly declared.
“Yeh… sport” My dear friend followed without thinking.
Two out of three already
They both looked at me innocently, waiting for my vote
I already had a topic I wanted to talk about. I came up with it last night!
But I was thinking…
What’s the freakin point of me telling them at all?!?!
So much for the logical part of my brain, I decided I’m gonna use my right anyway.
“I wanna talk about how they punish people in hell”
Only if I could paint a picture of the two tiny faces who were sitting across me, reacting after I gave my vote on my blog here, it would explain much better why this stays so vividly in my memory.
I remember I surrendered and let them talked about sport.
But they ran out of their sporty talk so quickly that they had to engage with my topic finally.
About a month later, there was a book festival at my cousin’s school.
He knew that I’m a book freak, so he decided to surprise me.
One evening after school, there it was, placed elegantly on the couch (that I rather slept on than my actual bed)… The Ten lives of Buddha.
How nice of him…
For a ten year-old, I was strangely embarrassed for the fact that I like to read this kind of stuff. I was afraid that someone was going to find out, not only that I had no freakin clue about Barbie dolls but I knew all about biography of each of Buddha’s life.
I was really excited and thankful that he was right on.
But I decided not to react accordingly.
“Yeh… thanks. Cool” I said to him, wrapped the book around my arms, sneaked back up stairs to my room, and finished it in less than ten days.
This whole thing made me laugh on the bus today.
Brought me back to reality
I was thinking about my boyfriend…
“Who did he think he is?!?! Telling me I know about Buddha less than he does!”
(Sweetie, if you’re reading this, I’m just joking :)
Friday
Again
Again
and again
and again…
These feelings
Shortened breath
Frozen brain
Silent motion
Forever night
Last until unconsciousness hits
Seems so long
Wish it’s already tomorrow
Every time
and again
and again…
These feelings
Shortened breath
Frozen brain
Silent motion
Forever night
Last until unconsciousness hits
Seems so long
Wish it’s already tomorrow
Every time
Sunday
In the name
10:47pm. I signed on MSN, invisibly
5 new mails, all forwarded
4 active friends, all desperate
I didn’t have to talk to them
Their user names all pretty much made the same statement…
Life sucks
“Haven’t I asked before I did?”
“…confused”
“Unsteady”
“… Why the hell it’s so hard to think?”
And many others who weren’t online like…
“Every time I love someone, I always have to shed my tears in pain”
“Good man but no one…” (this one I went… What the hell???)
“When I was a kid, I wanted to be a watchman” (I actually think he’d be good at it since he loves sleeping so much)
Make me see… we’re all in troubles
in a mess we intentionally and unintentionally jump into
Hurt each other
Love each other
I’m one of them…
Only today
I’m just Good morning America
5 new mails, all forwarded
4 active friends, all desperate
I didn’t have to talk to them
Their user names all pretty much made the same statement…
Life sucks
“Haven’t I asked before I did?”
“…confused”
“Unsteady”
“… Why the hell it’s so hard to think?”
And many others who weren’t online like…
“Every time I love someone, I always have to shed my tears in pain”
“Good man but no one…” (this one I went… What the hell???)
“When I was a kid, I wanted to be a watchman” (I actually think he’d be good at it since he loves sleeping so much)
Make me see… we’re all in troubles
in a mess we intentionally and unintentionally jump into
Hurt each other
Love each other
I’m one of them…
Only today
I’m just Good morning America
Thursday
Elsewhere
Letting my thoughts fly freely
My hand starts to move naively
Point A, point B, it draws
There is no beginning, there is no end
The space they create…
is vertically endless, horizontally amicable
Where we stand defines distance
How we stand defines obstacles
In between, there begin… stories
Lines after lines after lines
One in thousands touches A
Another one in thousand touches B
Somewhere out there, the two lines cross
Stop the impossibility
Seamlessly bond
Meanings fulfill
Creation continues
Lines to corners, corners to shapes
Unveil this secret place
Surrounded where we hide
My hand starts to move naively
Point A, point B, it draws
There is no beginning, there is no end
The space they create…
is vertically endless, horizontally amicable
Where we stand defines distance
How we stand defines obstacles
In between, there begin… stories
Lines after lines after lines
One in thousands touches A
Another one in thousand touches B
Somewhere out there, the two lines cross
Stop the impossibility
Seamlessly bond
Meanings fulfill
Creation continues
Lines to corners, corners to shapes
Unveil this secret place
Surrounded where we hide
Friday
The last one, The right one
Trying to unlock the door…
I said “Hmm… It’s always the last one that you try that is the right one.”
My friend said “The right one is always the last one because if you find it and still don’t stop looking for it, you are an idiot.”
I said “Hmm… It’s always the last one that you try that is the right one.”
My friend said “The right one is always the last one because if you find it and still don’t stop looking for it, you are an idiot.”
Tuesday
Watcher
Above the water, there I am
Stand still as much as I can
Capturing, absorbing, sensing every single bit of this moment
An orange beam flows secretly behind the thin cloud.
My eyes inevitably follow the path of the light…
…to find where the cloud ends and where another begins
My arm reaches out far enough to change perspective…
but not far enough to touch the cloud
So, I let my arm fall
Closing my eyes…
as the orange beam travels over my face
through the narrow space in the sky
I let the warmth paint.
Let the breeze embrace…
for a quiet minute till it’s gone.
Moment has passed
Silence stays
I’ll come back again tomorrow and tomorrow
Wait here for the orange light…
that might find its way through the cloud
Stand still as much as I can
Capturing, absorbing, sensing every single bit of this moment
An orange beam flows secretly behind the thin cloud.
My eyes inevitably follow the path of the light…
…to find where the cloud ends and where another begins
My arm reaches out far enough to change perspective…
but not far enough to touch the cloud
So, I let my arm fall
Closing my eyes…
as the orange beam travels over my face
through the narrow space in the sky
I let the warmth paint.
Let the breeze embrace…
for a quiet minute till it’s gone.
Moment has passed
Silence stays
I’ll come back again tomorrow and tomorrow
Wait here for the orange light…
that might find its way through the cloud
Friday
Landed
I was lift… up high in the air.
I swam in the sky of true light.
I floated. I flew. I smiled
I fell. I tried. And I drawn
I was thrown… around in the space.
I fought in the fierce of gravity.
I lost. I crawled. And I see
I seized. I freed. And I landed.
I swam in the sky of true light.
I floated. I flew. I smiled
I fell. I tried. And I drawn
I was thrown… around in the space.
I fought in the fierce of gravity.
I lost. I crawled. And I see
I seized. I freed. And I landed.
Monday
Little...
Looking in the mirror, I’m still seeing the same face.
Sadness, emptiness, hopeless… infused beneath…
trying to find their ways out to triumph over the smile
The little smile is so small…
So... so small that it’s hard to believe in the victory that it achieved
Reason is beyond explanation
Answer is far beyond question
I lost again in this space
Lost in a place I’ve never dared to reach out
Weakness fades out… you fade in
Lighten up this small space
in the deepest… of me
Sadness, emptiness, hopeless… infused beneath…
trying to find their ways out to triumph over the smile
The little smile is so small…
So... so small that it’s hard to believe in the victory that it achieved
Reason is beyond explanation
Answer is far beyond question
I lost again in this space
Lost in a place I’ve never dared to reach out
Weakness fades out… you fade in
Lighten up this small space
in the deepest… of me
Sunday
Abstract
I’m wondering, how many times that I hear people use the word “abstract” with things like painting, sculpture, and other art-involved pieces.
I know the definition of “abstract” but I just don’t feel it.
People use it so much that I got really curious if sometimes they should even be using the word.
I’m not a very “deep” person, so most of the time, I like to make things easy.
I found a common characteristic of the use of the word “abstract.”
It’s when people can’t really tell what that thing’s supposed to represent.
when they can’t tell what it is exactly…
when they don’t know the real meaning of it…
There comes the word “abstract.”
I think back to my life.
Hell… that’s exactly what my love life is.
It was a picture of two people sitting, holding hands on the beach.
quiet… but full of meaning
Now that your paint brush is moving, colors splattering all over.
Even so, when I look at the picture, I can still see figures of the two people.
I can see not much else but I can feel it.
It’s still a picture of us, to me…. even if it is a pure abstract to the whole world.
I know the definition of “abstract” but I just don’t feel it.
People use it so much that I got really curious if sometimes they should even be using the word.
I’m not a very “deep” person, so most of the time, I like to make things easy.
I found a common characteristic of the use of the word “abstract.”
It’s when people can’t really tell what that thing’s supposed to represent.
when they can’t tell what it is exactly…
when they don’t know the real meaning of it…
There comes the word “abstract.”
I think back to my life.
Hell… that’s exactly what my love life is.
It was a picture of two people sitting, holding hands on the beach.
quiet… but full of meaning
Now that your paint brush is moving, colors splattering all over.
Even so, when I look at the picture, I can still see figures of the two people.
I can see not much else but I can feel it.
It’s still a picture of us, to me…. even if it is a pure abstract to the whole world.
Tuesday
You
I thought…because I was upset about other things, I called you.
Actually, deeply, I think… other things are just an excuse for me.
Why am I still looking at our pictures everyday.
What is it that I see in that picture?
Nothing…nothing I can see
Just the thing that I feel
Does that make us special at all?
I’d like to think so.
I’d like to think to myself every time that there’s something special between us.
There are many things in this world that people want to conquer, want to accomplish.
I don’t care. I just want this, this love to become possible.
It’s the only thing I ever pray for.
It’s the only wish I make on every occasion that comes around.
Things are dark all around. Life is not so fun for me.
I wish you could feel me.
I know that it’s impossible. We live separate lives.
At least, feel this baby… feel how much I miss you.
Please stop hurting me.
I’m just someone who loves you…
very much
Actually, deeply, I think… other things are just an excuse for me.
Why am I still looking at our pictures everyday.
What is it that I see in that picture?
Nothing…nothing I can see
Just the thing that I feel
Does that make us special at all?
I’d like to think so.
I’d like to think to myself every time that there’s something special between us.
There are many things in this world that people want to conquer, want to accomplish.
I don’t care. I just want this, this love to become possible.
It’s the only thing I ever pray for.
It’s the only wish I make on every occasion that comes around.
Things are dark all around. Life is not so fun for me.
I wish you could feel me.
I know that it’s impossible. We live separate lives.
At least, feel this baby… feel how much I miss you.
Please stop hurting me.
I’m just someone who loves you…
very much
Saturday
Hello, it's me
This, I just want to remind myself of what have I just done.
Yeh… you asked me many, many times, why, why did I call you?
I simply told you and myself, I miss you and I wanna hear your voice.
I didn’t hesitate at all when I picked up the phone, dialed your number.
But when I heard your voice, I don’t know why but my entire body shook like I’m buried in ice the whole 3 hours we talked.
I was kinda surprised to hear myself talking to you like nothing ever happened.
I was relaxed, lively, and compassionate. I was myself.
You sounded really surprised to get a call from me, asked me many times if I’m in Thailand right now.
I said “no” but you still thought I was.
I told you to go to my house then. But you said you’re afraid of my family, you’re afraid that they’ll kill you for what you had done to me.
I said “I love you”. You said “I love you too”.
You said you wanna see me again. I asked you “in what status?”
You said “like the way we were.” I said “then make it happen.”
Then you cried. You said something about the mistake you shouldn’t have made. You said your life is not happy. You see nothing when you wake up in the morning. But you saw things when we were together.
You said so many things about that but I couldn’t hear because you were crying at the same time.
I was trying not to cry but I couldn’t help it. We were in a sad mode for a while before I brought us back to reality.
You asked me about my life. But I was too afraid to ask you about yours.
I told you the top three activities that make me think about you the most.
First, ironing cloths.
Second, peeling fruit.
Third, making bed.
You listened and you tried to tell me the right way to do. I thought that was sweet.
Then we talked about those days when we were together.
We talked about the plate set we bought. We were so excited that it was so cheap.
You told me that you still keep everything we used when we were together.
All my notebooks, every single paper that has my handwriting, our pictures, Manchester United crochet that I made for your birthday, you said you still keep.
You asked me many times if I have a new boyfriend.
I told you that I don’t but you still, somewhat, didn’t believe me.
You asked me how’s the weather. I told you that it’s still pretty cold and yet I’m still wearing skirt.
You asked me if I wear too short skirt. You sounded concerned about me. That makes me feel so good.
We talked until the phone said “one minute remains.”
I said “I miss you”, you said “I miss you very, very much (with high voice tone).
Then the phone got cut.
It was really nice talking to you. It makes me miss you even more.
Yeh… you asked me many, many times, why, why did I call you?
I simply told you and myself, I miss you and I wanna hear your voice.
I didn’t hesitate at all when I picked up the phone, dialed your number.
But when I heard your voice, I don’t know why but my entire body shook like I’m buried in ice the whole 3 hours we talked.
I was kinda surprised to hear myself talking to you like nothing ever happened.
I was relaxed, lively, and compassionate. I was myself.
You sounded really surprised to get a call from me, asked me many times if I’m in Thailand right now.
I said “no” but you still thought I was.
I told you to go to my house then. But you said you’re afraid of my family, you’re afraid that they’ll kill you for what you had done to me.
I said “I love you”. You said “I love you too”.
You said you wanna see me again. I asked you “in what status?”
You said “like the way we were.” I said “then make it happen.”
Then you cried. You said something about the mistake you shouldn’t have made. You said your life is not happy. You see nothing when you wake up in the morning. But you saw things when we were together.
You said so many things about that but I couldn’t hear because you were crying at the same time.
I was trying not to cry but I couldn’t help it. We were in a sad mode for a while before I brought us back to reality.
You asked me about my life. But I was too afraid to ask you about yours.
I told you the top three activities that make me think about you the most.
First, ironing cloths.
Second, peeling fruit.
Third, making bed.
You listened and you tried to tell me the right way to do. I thought that was sweet.
Then we talked about those days when we were together.
We talked about the plate set we bought. We were so excited that it was so cheap.
You told me that you still keep everything we used when we were together.
All my notebooks, every single paper that has my handwriting, our pictures, Manchester United crochet that I made for your birthday, you said you still keep.
You asked me many times if I have a new boyfriend.
I told you that I don’t but you still, somewhat, didn’t believe me.
You asked me how’s the weather. I told you that it’s still pretty cold and yet I’m still wearing skirt.
You asked me if I wear too short skirt. You sounded concerned about me. That makes me feel so good.
We talked until the phone said “one minute remains.”
I said “I miss you”, you said “I miss you very, very much (with high voice tone).
Then the phone got cut.
It was really nice talking to you. It makes me miss you even more.
Your Angel
Sometimes, I think I am a very stupid person.
I really think so but I still can’t stop being so.
When I look at us, I see us but I see no future.
I told you, I can go only so far. The rest is up to you.
I told you that I’m still here, where are you.
I really wish I could do more but I’m no angel.
You told me that I am, to you.
What does angel like me have to do?
Love you
Miss you
Care for you
You already know that I do.
What else I have to do.
To make you…
love me more
I really think so but I still can’t stop being so.
When I look at us, I see us but I see no future.
I told you, I can go only so far. The rest is up to you.
I told you that I’m still here, where are you.
I really wish I could do more but I’m no angel.
You told me that I am, to you.
What does angel like me have to do?
Love you
Miss you
Care for you
You already know that I do.
What else I have to do.
To make you…
love me more
Wednesday
Didn't even...
Didn’t even eat the meat
Didn’t even sit on the stripped off leather
There they are… the bones around my neck!!!
That’s all I have to say.
So not fucking fair
Didn’t even sit on the stripped off leather
There they are… the bones around my neck!!!
That’s all I have to say.
So not fucking fair
Tuesday
นิยายในนิยาม
มีคำเล่าต่อกันมาว่า
ถ้าคืนไหนพระจันทร์เต็มดวง
จะมีสิ่งมหัศจรรย์เกิดขึ้น
เด็กน้อยฟัง ยังยิ้ม...
กับส่วนเสี้ยวริมที่ริมฟ้า
กระซิบบอก พรุ่งนี้หนูจะกลับมา...อธิฐาน
ฝ่าเมฆหมอกกลับบ้าน... จูงมือพระอาทิตย์
เดินร้องไห้แสบตา
แค่อยากให้อาทิตย์ลับฟ้าไปเร็วๆ
ในที่สุด มาแล้วคืนนี้ เทพนิยาย
สิ่งมหัศจรรย์ทั้งหลาย จะเกิดขึ้นไม๊กับหนู
อธิฐาน... อธิฐาน...
อยากแค่ให้พระจันทร์เค้าได้รู้
นิยามรักของหนูอยู่แสนไกล
มีคนให้ความหมาย ที่เป็นแค่ไฟกระพริบ
ให้เด็กน้อยไขว่คว้า ไล่ตาม
ไม่รู้จบ
ก้มมองหา ค้นท้องฟ้า ก็ไม่พบ
ช่วยหนูที นะคะ ถ้าได้ยิน
จับมือหนูไว้ด้วยกัน ตรงข้างแก้ม
อาบหนูไว้ ด้วยเงา ของลมหนาว
เร้นรอยยิ้ม แอบซ่อน จากเรื่องราว
แล้วบอกหนูเบาๆ คำสุดท้าย
ว่ามันไม่ใช่...
แค่นิยายในนิยาม
ถ้าคืนไหนพระจันทร์เต็มดวง
จะมีสิ่งมหัศจรรย์เกิดขึ้น
เด็กน้อยฟัง ยังยิ้ม...
กับส่วนเสี้ยวริมที่ริมฟ้า
กระซิบบอก พรุ่งนี้หนูจะกลับมา...อธิฐาน
ฝ่าเมฆหมอกกลับบ้าน... จูงมือพระอาทิตย์
เดินร้องไห้แสบตา
แค่อยากให้อาทิตย์ลับฟ้าไปเร็วๆ
ในที่สุด มาแล้วคืนนี้ เทพนิยาย
สิ่งมหัศจรรย์ทั้งหลาย จะเกิดขึ้นไม๊กับหนู
อธิฐาน... อธิฐาน...
อยากแค่ให้พระจันทร์เค้าได้รู้
นิยามรักของหนูอยู่แสนไกล
มีคนให้ความหมาย ที่เป็นแค่ไฟกระพริบ
ให้เด็กน้อยไขว่คว้า ไล่ตาม
ไม่รู้จบ
ก้มมองหา ค้นท้องฟ้า ก็ไม่พบ
ช่วยหนูที นะคะ ถ้าได้ยิน
จับมือหนูไว้ด้วยกัน ตรงข้างแก้ม
อาบหนูไว้ ด้วยเงา ของลมหนาว
เร้นรอยยิ้ม แอบซ่อน จากเรื่องราว
แล้วบอกหนูเบาๆ คำสุดท้าย
ว่ามันไม่ใช่...
แค่นิยายในนิยาม
Monday
Believing
We all can be wrong about what we believe.
I keep hearing voice around myself saying… If you really believe in something and not giving up, it will become true.
To me, that saying is definitely not true to every subject matter.
I don’t wanna repeat what I used to believe.
But I feel like the more I believe, the more it becomes impossible.
So I conclude that believing in something is just a way of increasing the amount of pain when I fail.
I’m trying to change my attitude about life… about belief.
It just feels so blank when I keep repeating to myself that there’s nothing worth believing.
But I’m going to have to.
Otherwise, I know I’ll get hurt again.
I keep hearing voice around myself saying… If you really believe in something and not giving up, it will become true.
To me, that saying is definitely not true to every subject matter.
I don’t wanna repeat what I used to believe.
But I feel like the more I believe, the more it becomes impossible.
So I conclude that believing in something is just a way of increasing the amount of pain when I fail.
I’m trying to change my attitude about life… about belief.
It just feels so blank when I keep repeating to myself that there’s nothing worth believing.
But I’m going to have to.
Otherwise, I know I’ll get hurt again.
Saturday
The journey of the sun
One evening, while I was looking at the monitor, try to concentrate on work, I was distracted by a super, super spectacular view created by the sun.
I could see it moving down very slowly.
Then I had a thought…
What if we can throw stuff at the sun and have it delivers our stuff to a person on the other side of the world. Wouldn’t that be nice?
Because it’s so big and it takes only 12 hours to travel to the other side of the world (faster than Fedex, UPS or all of them combined), people on the other side wouldn’t have to wait for so long.
And then I thought, you know what… I would throw myself into the sun when I finish my work for the day.
That way I can stop by to see my family, to see the people I love on the other side.
Maybe I’ll bring them back with me just for a day and then send them back with the sun the next evening.
Only if the sun can cool itself down a bit, I will go with the sun.
I could see it moving down very slowly.
Then I had a thought…
What if we can throw stuff at the sun and have it delivers our stuff to a person on the other side of the world. Wouldn’t that be nice?
Because it’s so big and it takes only 12 hours to travel to the other side of the world (faster than Fedex, UPS or all of them combined), people on the other side wouldn’t have to wait for so long.
And then I thought, you know what… I would throw myself into the sun when I finish my work for the day.
That way I can stop by to see my family, to see the people I love on the other side.
Maybe I’ll bring them back with me just for a day and then send them back with the sun the next evening.
Only if the sun can cool itself down a bit, I will go with the sun.
Wednesday
One Year Later
Here I am again, at the exact same point on the exact same day ….except that it has already been one full fucking year
Seriously, how can a person not learn from the situation that keeps happening again and again, exactly the same way
I’m not stupid and I’m willing to be happy
But it’s just not happening
Well… fuck it. I don’t know what to say anymore
Seriously, how can a person not learn from the situation that keeps happening again and again, exactly the same way
I’m not stupid and I’m willing to be happy
But it’s just not happening
Well… fuck it. I don’t know what to say anymore
Sunday
Loser forever (You, not me)
I can’t think of any bigger loser than this one I know
“I’m confused” “I wasn’t careful enough to say that” …!?!?
You must be joking!
I’ve never seen anything like this! Really
If this whole thing didn’t happen to me, I wouldn’t believe that it actually happened
Even though it shocked me real hard, very deep deep inside me still think…
“Fuck! How could you pull this together?!?!”
It’s just so elaborate
In fact, too elaborate for such dump person
There it is… your real talent besides being Mr. Good Guy
…making stuff up, product branding (product = himself)
And yet, I still fall for it
Not that I don’t know but I usually believe in the best of people
The bastard proves me wrong
I don’t understand why people want to hurt each other so bad
Like him…
When he hurt me successfully, he just goes around asking people for opinions just to make him feel better about himself
He just wanna hear that he didn’t do anything wrong
…so he can be happy
I mean… c’mon!
Can’t even convince yourself that you’re a good man?!
How sick ?
But whatever…
Be it baby… loser forever
“I’m confused” “I wasn’t careful enough to say that” …!?!?
You must be joking!
I’ve never seen anything like this! Really
If this whole thing didn’t happen to me, I wouldn’t believe that it actually happened
Even though it shocked me real hard, very deep deep inside me still think…
“Fuck! How could you pull this together?!?!”
It’s just so elaborate
In fact, too elaborate for such dump person
There it is… your real talent besides being Mr. Good Guy
…making stuff up, product branding (product = himself)
And yet, I still fall for it
Not that I don’t know but I usually believe in the best of people
The bastard proves me wrong
I don’t understand why people want to hurt each other so bad
Like him…
When he hurt me successfully, he just goes around asking people for opinions just to make him feel better about himself
He just wanna hear that he didn’t do anything wrong
…so he can be happy
I mean… c’mon!
Can’t even convince yourself that you’re a good man?!
How sick ?
But whatever…
Be it baby… loser forever