Where I should be

I wonder if we have to choose between living in a place where we feel that we are doing well and living in a place where we feel that we are being loved, which place would we choose?

I, for sure, would choose to live in a place where I can feel love from people around me. But the reality seems to be totally different from the idea. If I really want to be where love is, then why am I still here?

I used to think that I don’t want a lot of people to care about me or to pay too much attention to me. I always wanted to be free. I always told them that I can take care of my life …please don’t worry about me.

They never listen to me. So I just got myself away from them. I knew I can survive. I knew I don’t need anyone. I knew I’m gonna have so much fun with my life…

I was wrong…

I didn’t realize that until I felt like I had really lost those things I always rejected in the past. Being like this is not fun. I don’t understand why I have to trade those things I used to have with my awful life today.

I am just a human who needs to be loved. I miss people who love me and I know they miss me too. To them, I’m worth more than their lives but here, I’m worth less than trash. I don’t blame people…I can’t. It’s not their jobs to care about me. But I’m sad because sometimes I really do care for people and I really do love them. I give out all my heart without hesitating that I could be hurt. I really did believe that not everybody in the world is thinking only about themselves.

Thanks to them for telling me that there’s no such thing… Thanks to them for making me disbelieve in love.

Now, I know where I really want to be and what I really want in my life. I don’t wanna be an important person. I don’t wanna be the one who makes change to the world. I just wanna be someone who’s good enough for you to love. I’m so sorry for everything I did. I’m so sorry for not caring for you as much as I should have. Don’t believe what I just said. I’m gonna show you what I mean. I’m gonna show you how much I love you from now on.