Cheater

Here I am.

Reading about eating healthy.

Talking about exercise regularly.

....never do it….

I look around and I see people cheat all the time.

They hesitate for a little while before step their feet in McDonald.

They keep walking around the bakery aisle, pretend that they are not attracted.

People try hard to keep promises they made to themselves.

Sometimes, they succeed.

I, most of the time, fail.

I wonder why I see promises that I made to other people more important that the promises that I made to myself.

“Everybody loves their own life.”

I think… only a selfish would say that.

I’m absolutely right.

I am.

Feel kinda nice

Ah….. today, I feel a hella lot better.

Four months of crappy shit about my ex-boyfriend
… finally become a background of my life.

It could be just a temporary emotion.

But… who cares?

Even if it comes back, I know I will be less suffered.

But that doesn’t make you a better person, sweetheart.

You are still an asshole. :)

What is it?

Is this some kind of sadism?

I know I am going to cry again if I turn on that song… but I did.

I know I am going to miss you again if I look at our picture… but I did.

I know I am going to get hurt again if I think about you… but I always do.

I don’t understand why a jerk like you has such influence on my feelings.

Is it really because of you?

Or…

Is it just the song that makes me cry?

Is it just the gloomy weather that makes me wanna close my eyes forever?

Maybe it is not because of you after all…considering you are just a stink human who doesn’t know how use brain and doesn’t even have a heart.

Disappointed.. but Glad

The way I used to see you, you were the most beautiful thing I had ever seen.
The way I used to know you, you were the smartest person I had ever met.
The way I used to think about you, you were the greatest man I had ever fallen in love with.

The way you used to see me, I was the love of your life
The way you used to think about me, I was the girl who you wanted to be with.
The way you used to know me, I was deeply in love with you.

Today, you decided not to look at me the ways you used to.
Today, I realized, you are none of those ways I used to see.

You took my life, my soul, and my belief away.
I doubted, how could you do that?
…but I saw no answer.

Today, when I heard things about you, I cried and then I laughed.
…disappointed but glad.

It happens so because I just learn… what I used to think about you were all wrong.
It happens so because I know… baby, your life is going down.

I still love you my love… but god knows, I hate you even more.

I, alone

I don’t really know why my brain isn’t functioning properly.
I’m not able to think…logically and creatively
Four months have passed, I still bury myself in the same place, same thought.

I think my love is real and possible.

In fact, I am the only one on earth who thinks so.
I am …the only who believes.
And I am the only one who prays for it every single day.

No one knows.
No one sees.
No one cares.

I don’t know why I keep holding back myself.
Just move on, people tell me to.

I don’t know what to do.
So I keep doing what I do.

Loving you
Only you
Till I die…