I can’t think of any bigger loser than this one I know
“I’m confused” “I wasn’t careful enough to say that” …!?!?
You must be joking!
I’ve never seen anything like this! Really
If this whole thing didn’t happen to me, I wouldn’t believe that it actually happened
Even though it shocked me real hard, very deep deep inside me still think…
“Fuck! How could you pull this together?!?!”
It’s just so elaborate
In fact, too elaborate for such dump person
There it is… your real talent besides being Mr. Good Guy
…making stuff up, product branding (product = himself)
And yet, I still fall for it
Not that I don’t know but I usually believe in the best of people
The bastard proves me wrong
I don’t understand why people want to hurt each other so bad
Like him…
When he hurt me successfully, he just goes around asking people for opinions just to make him feel better about himself
He just wanna hear that he didn’t do anything wrong
…so he can be happy
I mean… c’mon!
Can’t even convince yourself that you’re a good man?!
How sick ?
But whatever…
Be it baby… loser forever
Sunday
Saturday
No point
No one on this planet who says “Nothing can hurt me anymore” is completely honest
I for one
But when I say the pain won’t hurt me that much anymore, does that mean I’m ready to let people hurt me as much as they want?
I don’t think so
But it seems like I give up fighting for myself
Really, what’s the point of going to a battle when I already know the outcome
Moreover, I feel like a real victory doesn’t even exist
I don’t wanna win but I don’t wanna get hurt either
There’s nothing I can do
I’m not ready for anything
I never understand anything
It’s just that I’ve reached the point where I can only look at things but can’t really say anything
People do what they want to do
So go ahead
I’m just an audience in a 3-D theater then
I for one
But when I say the pain won’t hurt me that much anymore, does that mean I’m ready to let people hurt me as much as they want?
I don’t think so
But it seems like I give up fighting for myself
Really, what’s the point of going to a battle when I already know the outcome
Moreover, I feel like a real victory doesn’t even exist
I don’t wanna win but I don’t wanna get hurt either
There’s nothing I can do
I’m not ready for anything
I never understand anything
It’s just that I’ve reached the point where I can only look at things but can’t really say anything
People do what they want to do
So go ahead
I’m just an audience in a 3-D theater then
Thursday
Be Me
If there is one thing good about me…
I would say it is the fact that I have never been anyone else but myself
I made decision from determination
My choice always stands out of the crowd
If not…
I go to bed at night and turn over and over again
Not because I can’t choose but because I’m sometimes scared of choice I’m about to make
So damn scared but…
Every time, I follow my heart
It hurts fucking badly most of the time
Why?
Why I can’t quit being me when it is clearly wrong to be.
It’s only a matter of second when happiness takes over my soul…when I listen to my heart
Then the rest of the time leaves me only with agonizing consequences
I’m not yelling out that I’m right
I’m just quietly whispering that I can’t be anyone else when nobody’s listening to me
I’m a pathetic loser in reality…
But I’m a big fucking winner in my own damn heart
I would say it is the fact that I have never been anyone else but myself
I made decision from determination
My choice always stands out of the crowd
If not…
I go to bed at night and turn over and over again
Not because I can’t choose but because I’m sometimes scared of choice I’m about to make
So damn scared but…
Every time, I follow my heart
It hurts fucking badly most of the time
Why?
Why I can’t quit being me when it is clearly wrong to be.
It’s only a matter of second when happiness takes over my soul…when I listen to my heart
Then the rest of the time leaves me only with agonizing consequences
I’m not yelling out that I’m right
I’m just quietly whispering that I can’t be anyone else when nobody’s listening to me
I’m a pathetic loser in reality…
But I’m a big fucking winner in my own damn heart
Monday
Sick girl walking
Today, I’m really sick.
Even though I realized that, I took a long walk.
The walk helped lift up my soul a bit but caused me an even worst flu.
The trees, the streets, the weather, they all made just for me today.
I sang along with them, bitterly.
“Killing me softly with his song… Telling my whole life with his words…”
I wonder why doesn’t he just kill me.
Of all people, why did he pick me to hurt?
It might be really fun to watch someone like me struggle so hard, cry and get sick.
Otherwise, he wouldn’t do so.
What I actually intended to say on my blog today was…
“The meaning of Love cannot be told, it can only be experienced”
Turned out I’m not in the mood of saying that.
But I said it anyway. Because I still believe so.
Even though I realized that, I took a long walk.
The walk helped lift up my soul a bit but caused me an even worst flu.
The trees, the streets, the weather, they all made just for me today.
I sang along with them, bitterly.
“Killing me softly with his song… Telling my whole life with his words…”
I wonder why doesn’t he just kill me.
Of all people, why did he pick me to hurt?
It might be really fun to watch someone like me struggle so hard, cry and get sick.
Otherwise, he wouldn’t do so.
What I actually intended to say on my blog today was…
“The meaning of Love cannot be told, it can only be experienced”
Turned out I’m not in the mood of saying that.
But I said it anyway. Because I still believe so.
Saturday
I'm scared
When I think about my life, there are so many miserable things I’ve been through.
I realize that I’m not a lucky type. I never really get a special treat.
Everything I am, I made it happen myself.
I never really ask for something without trying first.
I need super power to help me sometimes but I don’t usually ask unless I’m desperate.
I know that there are many people who need it more than me.
So, I pretty much rely on myself.
I don’t know if it happens to other people who live their lives like me.
But I think things get screwed up easily as I’m trying to be a better person.
Sometimes it messes up so awful that I have become so scared.
Scared of tomorrow
I cannot be too happy because when I am, it won’t last very long.
I have no idea why I deserve this kind of punishment.
Every time I smile, I have to suppress it, make damn sure that I’m not too happy.
Every time I think positively, I have to spare some room for a negative.
I don’t expect my life to be perfect.
I just don’t want it to be too cruel.
I realize that I’m not a lucky type. I never really get a special treat.
Everything I am, I made it happen myself.
I never really ask for something without trying first.
I need super power to help me sometimes but I don’t usually ask unless I’m desperate.
I know that there are many people who need it more than me.
So, I pretty much rely on myself.
I don’t know if it happens to other people who live their lives like me.
But I think things get screwed up easily as I’m trying to be a better person.
Sometimes it messes up so awful that I have become so scared.
Scared of tomorrow
I cannot be too happy because when I am, it won’t last very long.
I have no idea why I deserve this kind of punishment.
Every time I smile, I have to suppress it, make damn sure that I’m not too happy.
Every time I think positively, I have to spare some room for a negative.
I don’t expect my life to be perfect.
I just don’t want it to be too cruel.
Thursday
Pattern
“There is no pattern in life.”
I’ve heard people say this bloody phrase for all my freakin life.
I agree.
But the fact is most people do believe that there IS a pattern in life.
Patterns are all over the place.
The way they tell you that you’re simply wrong and the way they tend to think that you’re stupid.
I think pattern originally forms itself from dignity and experiment.
People react to a certain situation from an appropriateness point of view, not from their own desire.
That is dignity.
They feel it. They know they want to do this but they won’t because it seems cheap or uncomplicated or whatever.
They strongly believe that if they react in a certain way, which was suggested by a complete stranger, they will get a good result out of their whatever situations.
“You can’t do this. It won’t do you any good. Trust me, I have seen many cases like you.”
That is an experiment.
And if you don’t believe them, you are a stupid idiot.
I am so tired of trying to figure out patterns.
I wonder why can’t I just be myself and forget about the whole pattern thing.
I am the one who know myself best. I know what I want.
I know that there is no exact same case in the world.
There’s a difference in everything even though they seem so alike.
Why do I have to force myself to think that I’m wrong and other people are right?
They don’t even know me.
I know it’s good to listen to other people.
But eventually I have to do what I have to do.
For me, there’s no time to play with patterns.
It might actually bring me a great outcome.
But I think I should live my life like I mean it at the moment.
So that later, I won’t regret that why they hell I wasn’t listening to my own heart.
I’ve heard people say this bloody phrase for all my freakin life.
I agree.
But the fact is most people do believe that there IS a pattern in life.
Patterns are all over the place.
The way they tell you that you’re simply wrong and the way they tend to think that you’re stupid.
I think pattern originally forms itself from dignity and experiment.
People react to a certain situation from an appropriateness point of view, not from their own desire.
That is dignity.
They feel it. They know they want to do this but they won’t because it seems cheap or uncomplicated or whatever.
They strongly believe that if they react in a certain way, which was suggested by a complete stranger, they will get a good result out of their whatever situations.
“You can’t do this. It won’t do you any good. Trust me, I have seen many cases like you.”
That is an experiment.
And if you don’t believe them, you are a stupid idiot.
I am so tired of trying to figure out patterns.
I wonder why can’t I just be myself and forget about the whole pattern thing.
I am the one who know myself best. I know what I want.
I know that there is no exact same case in the world.
There’s a difference in everything even though they seem so alike.
Why do I have to force myself to think that I’m wrong and other people are right?
They don’t even know me.
I know it’s good to listen to other people.
But eventually I have to do what I have to do.
For me, there’s no time to play with patterns.
It might actually bring me a great outcome.
But I think I should live my life like I mean it at the moment.
So that later, I won’t regret that why they hell I wasn’t listening to my own heart.