Once, when I was a kid
I stood by the pool, looked at it for a moment and said to someone
“Let’s compete, swim across the pool.”
It was so obvious
and I did realize that the pool was too big for me to defeat
But I thought…
“May be I could. All I have to do is just don’t give up”
So I did.
We started off on the other end.
I raced full speed, as fast as my little legs could take me.
I truly thought I was doing great.
By the time I got to the middle of the pool, where it’s the deepest part.
I couldn’t breathe anymore.
My little legs froze.
And I was going down.
I was right
that the pool was too big
But I was wrong
that I thought I could achieve
Sunday
15 Years ago
A recent conversation that I had with my beloved boyfriend about Buddha (no idea how we even got into that) brought me back to when I was a little 10 year-old girl.
The three of us had nothing better to do than spending time, hanging out on top of the water tank that my dad built in our backyard (which was most definitely suggested and permitted all by me).
We climbed up the tank and sat down in circle, facing each other.
“So, what do we wanna talk about today?” My best friend initiated.
“Let’s vote” I demanded.
“Sport!” My little bro cousin keenly declared.
“Yeh… sport” My dear friend followed without thinking.
Two out of three already
They both looked at me innocently, waiting for my vote
I already had a topic I wanted to talk about. I came up with it last night!
But I was thinking…
What’s the freakin point of me telling them at all?!?!
So much for the logical part of my brain, I decided I’m gonna use my right anyway.
“I wanna talk about how they punish people in hell”
Only if I could paint a picture of the two tiny faces who were sitting across me, reacting after I gave my vote on my blog here, it would explain much better why this stays so vividly in my memory.
I remember I surrendered and let them talked about sport.
But they ran out of their sporty talk so quickly that they had to engage with my topic finally.
About a month later, there was a book festival at my cousin’s school.
He knew that I’m a book freak, so he decided to surprise me.
One evening after school, there it was, placed elegantly on the couch (that I rather slept on than my actual bed)… The Ten lives of Buddha.
How nice of him…
For a ten year-old, I was strangely embarrassed for the fact that I like to read this kind of stuff. I was afraid that someone was going to find out, not only that I had no freakin clue about Barbie dolls but I knew all about biography of each of Buddha’s life.
I was really excited and thankful that he was right on.
But I decided not to react accordingly.
“Yeh… thanks. Cool” I said to him, wrapped the book around my arms, sneaked back up stairs to my room, and finished it in less than ten days.
This whole thing made me laugh on the bus today.
Brought me back to reality
I was thinking about my boyfriend…
“Who did he think he is?!?! Telling me I know about Buddha less than he does!”
(Sweetie, if you’re reading this, I’m just joking :)
The three of us had nothing better to do than spending time, hanging out on top of the water tank that my dad built in our backyard (which was most definitely suggested and permitted all by me).
We climbed up the tank and sat down in circle, facing each other.
“So, what do we wanna talk about today?” My best friend initiated.
“Let’s vote” I demanded.
“Sport!” My little bro cousin keenly declared.
“Yeh… sport” My dear friend followed without thinking.
Two out of three already
They both looked at me innocently, waiting for my vote
I already had a topic I wanted to talk about. I came up with it last night!
But I was thinking…
What’s the freakin point of me telling them at all?!?!
So much for the logical part of my brain, I decided I’m gonna use my right anyway.
“I wanna talk about how they punish people in hell”
Only if I could paint a picture of the two tiny faces who were sitting across me, reacting after I gave my vote on my blog here, it would explain much better why this stays so vividly in my memory.
I remember I surrendered and let them talked about sport.
But they ran out of their sporty talk so quickly that they had to engage with my topic finally.
About a month later, there was a book festival at my cousin’s school.
He knew that I’m a book freak, so he decided to surprise me.
One evening after school, there it was, placed elegantly on the couch (that I rather slept on than my actual bed)… The Ten lives of Buddha.
How nice of him…
For a ten year-old, I was strangely embarrassed for the fact that I like to read this kind of stuff. I was afraid that someone was going to find out, not only that I had no freakin clue about Barbie dolls but I knew all about biography of each of Buddha’s life.
I was really excited and thankful that he was right on.
But I decided not to react accordingly.
“Yeh… thanks. Cool” I said to him, wrapped the book around my arms, sneaked back up stairs to my room, and finished it in less than ten days.
This whole thing made me laugh on the bus today.
Brought me back to reality
I was thinking about my boyfriend…
“Who did he think he is?!?! Telling me I know about Buddha less than he does!”
(Sweetie, if you’re reading this, I’m just joking :)
Friday
Again
Again
and again
and again…
These feelings
Shortened breath
Frozen brain
Silent motion
Forever night
Last until unconsciousness hits
Seems so long
Wish it’s already tomorrow
Every time
and again
and again…
These feelings
Shortened breath
Frozen brain
Silent motion
Forever night
Last until unconsciousness hits
Seems so long
Wish it’s already tomorrow
Every time
Sunday
In the name
10:47pm. I signed on MSN, invisibly
5 new mails, all forwarded
4 active friends, all desperate
I didn’t have to talk to them
Their user names all pretty much made the same statement…
Life sucks
“Haven’t I asked before I did?”
“…confused”
“Unsteady”
“… Why the hell it’s so hard to think?”
And many others who weren’t online like…
“Every time I love someone, I always have to shed my tears in pain”
“Good man but no one…” (this one I went… What the hell???)
“When I was a kid, I wanted to be a watchman” (I actually think he’d be good at it since he loves sleeping so much)
Make me see… we’re all in troubles
in a mess we intentionally and unintentionally jump into
Hurt each other
Love each other
I’m one of them…
Only today
I’m just Good morning America
5 new mails, all forwarded
4 active friends, all desperate
I didn’t have to talk to them
Their user names all pretty much made the same statement…
Life sucks
“Haven’t I asked before I did?”
“…confused”
“Unsteady”
“… Why the hell it’s so hard to think?”
And many others who weren’t online like…
“Every time I love someone, I always have to shed my tears in pain”
“Good man but no one…” (this one I went… What the hell???)
“When I was a kid, I wanted to be a watchman” (I actually think he’d be good at it since he loves sleeping so much)
Make me see… we’re all in troubles
in a mess we intentionally and unintentionally jump into
Hurt each other
Love each other
I’m one of them…
Only today
I’m just Good morning America