Camping out in my living room
Not because I can’t depart from the TV
I just don’t know why…
I’m feeling slightly shaky down here
But the thought of climbing up stairs, falling asleep in bed like normal is just incomprehensible tonight
I’m rendering my thoughts as each piece rises up from everywhere
I’m not sure where it’s going but I’m finding myself diving down deeper and darker
Now it just comes out that I keep asking question
“Why am I feeling this way?
Part of it, I think it’s because I’m alone at the moment
Scariness creeps into my head and little things make me cry
Something that I’m never gonna be able to live with
Something that I’m never gonna be able to be OK with
Something that I wish would stop being something…
But it’s always something
It’s always someone
And when it comes back it’s as scary, as depressing, as confusing every single time
I’m really tired with this something…
I’m just a person
I’m allow to feel this way when something causes it
The other side of me tonight, the much bigger side of me tonight, I’m really happy
For someone, whom I love very much
It’s another story that I have to write separately from this
I’ve never been this happy for him
In fact, I’ve never been this happy for anyone
The most valuable thing you could possibly find, is already there with you
It always has been
Look around, you’ll see that you need… nothing else
That you are safe in this world
You no longer fear
You no longer doubt
Because right here, where you stand, is the answer
To be someone to someone…
I have lost my thoughts now despite the existence of the feelings
I’m going to collide down here on the floor
I might migrate myself to the bed later
But now I just want to close my eyes…